Newflash. Toddlers are wankers. Adorable cuddly little wankers. In the blink of an eye , that little angel of yours mutates into a flailing incoherent monster. A pint-sized monster capable of mass destruction and exhausted parents.
The little Jekyl/Hyde thing most toddlers have going on is the cause of a constant eye twitch to a parent. Am I right?! I finally get why most mom’s, or parents for that matter, need a drink
Within one nano second, a full on violent tantrum erupts. I am sure you have been somewhere in public to witness the screaming child, with the frantic looking parents. These little buggers would either become limp noodles, stiff boards , or (a crowd fav) simply lie down and scream.
I lovingly refer to Holly’s outburst as “hulking out” 😑. With the flip of a switch, she would possess the strength of 10 men and let out extremely offensive bloody curdling screams. Super
Most of these wild outbursts are the result of something so preposterous you have to laugh ( well afterwards when your screaming child has chilled out). There are many hilarious viral pics of kids losing it for obsurb reasons.
Some days I feel like that unfortunate boob working as a personal assistant for a super demanding celeb. I used to LOVE reading all about those high maintenance celebrities in the gossip mag’s. You know the ones I am taking about. Their staff was not allowed to look them in the eye, would have to run around town and be at their beckoning call 24/7. Hmmmm…yes, I can relate. 😳
How about food and toddlers? Lord give me the strength!!!! How many ways can you cut a bloody sandwich to make it somewhat desirable for a toddler?! Stars, circles, teddy bear shapes! You name it! All that prep work to have to thrown on the floor or a big ol’ ,” I Don’t like that”.
Since when was my life an neverending episode of Hell’s Kitchen?! Granted, I will give that my child is way more cute and loveable that Gordon Ramsay. However, she might shout and throw food more.
I can’t tell ya how many times I thought I completely nailed a Pinterest meal from that uber mom of all mom’s. This is that mom that creates utter culinary masterpieces specifically for “those choosy little toddlers”. Naturally her child would devour every bite. Mine?! Nope. I would have it all but thrown in my face.
I am so guilty of being “that” person that claimed I would NEVER make my kid 15 different things for lunch. Welll, ain’t I eating my words! I now have 4 bloody backup meals for when “Picky Petunia” decides she does not like anything in front of her. And just because they like one meal one day, does not mean it can make another appearance. 😑
What the heck, do toddlers really think we are trying to feed them raw sewage? Come on!! Meal times can suck the life right out of you.
I have now learned to have rock bottom expectation for preppanned events. Like, I am talking take zero expectations and lower them even more. Why you ask?! Well…experience.
Our beautiful little toddlers have an annoyingly keen sense of when something 1) cost mommy and daddy money, 2) is super important to parents and 3) a time sensitive event.
For example, I reserved a spot for a professional photo shoot with baby animal! Oh my god, this is going to be dreamy, I thought. My little Holly frolicking in a frilly outfit with baby farm animals. What could go wrong? Everything.
All hell broke loose on that day. She was having NONE of it. She refused to wear the angelic outfits provided , screamed bloody blue murder and wanted nothing to do with the animals. If that wasn’t stressful enough, we only had a 30 minute window to shoot. I swear 15 minutes was dedicated to us attempting to calm down our snotty -nosed, red faced little toddler. My godddddddd.
I was so disappointed and felt bad for the photographer I am sure she had to photoshop the *^%t outta Holly’s swollen red face. Man, I should have known better.
This leaves me to bedtime. Crimany. Gone are the days when you are able to army roll and sneak out of their rooms. Nooo. Now there are the rituals of kissing 72 times, saying goodnight to literally everything on the planet, and 15 more drinks of water. Gahhhh, it never ends.
But, before you think I am horrific. I truly love my child with all my heart and I am really enjoying this stage. As much as I can be frustrated as heck, the sweet moments much outweigh the sour moments.
Yes, it is true. Toddlers are also the sweetest, funniest little rascals. I am trying to soak up every moment…taxing and amazing,! I know she is growing up fast. And maybe I should embrace my “spirited” child, because this means she will be a fierce and strong woman? Who knows but I will go with it. 🥰