Well, folks after years of obsessing with timing, cycles, the foods I consumed, etc…it was time to consider a different option.
It was a time of fear and anticipation for both of us. What if we are told we simply cannot have children. What if it is because of me? I think fear of the unknown is the worst with anything in life, isn’t it?
After putting my big girl pants on, we went for an initial consultation at the Kelowna Regional Fertility Clinic. They were beyond friendly and knowledgeable which made us feel confident about this next phase we were about to embark on.
So, an HSG exam was ordered. The doc explained that iodine-based dye is injected through your cervix and X-rays are taken. Ok, does not sound too bad? Some minor cramping can be expected. Okie dokie, I got this!
Holy mother of god..minor cramping my a**!! Honestly, I thought I was a tough gal, but I guess I am a little wuss!!! It was super painful, but thankful only lasted a few minutes. I quickly apologized to the young nurses for my trucker language and slipped off the table and got dressed.
Annoyingly, everything looked “normal”. Well, usually we all would jump for joy to get test results that show everything looks good, right?! Buttt, for some reason I wanted the test to show something was wrong. Weird I know, but it would give me the answer I was looking for, be corrected and POOF..pregnant. I started researching and found out the reproductive system has the most unknowns. Great. 😑
Alright, on to the next phase. After meeting with the Doc, we decided we were going to try IUI (insemination) which has a 20 percent success. We were told you are technically “allowed ” to have 6 attempts due to the meds (Chlomid) I would be on.
Ohhhh, Chlomid ( I often referred to it as Chlomad), you made me into a hormonal pressure cooker of emotions, with a nice side order of hot flashes. My poor husband had those unfortunate souls around me. But, god bless it, if it was going to give us a chance for a baby, I had to suck it up.
So, after timing things perfectly , the big day arrived! I remember being quite excited about the whole process. I could not believe how quick it really was. Yes yes yes, it was not the comfortable of things to have done, but as women I think we are used to being poked and prodded, am I right?
From start to finish it was only 45 minutes ( that is including the 15 minutes they tell you to lay still before you get up and leave). I was told I could pretty much just continue on with my day, as per usual. But, I got right home and literally sat like a statue for the rest of the day. I was not taking any bloody chances.
After a two week wait, it was the moment of truth. As I looked down at the pregnancy test, I could not believe my eyes!! Holy crap, it says “PREGNANT”!!!! I remember feeling elated and could not wait to tell everyone! Screw keeping it a secret, I wanted to shout from the rooftops!! I mean, we are all told not to say anything until we are past 12 weeks, but this was too exciting!
Unfortunately, exactly a week later, I miscarried while waiting for my blood test to see what my hormones levels were. I was in denial. I even called a friend and and asked how much spotting was ok? I still waited and got the blood test. Maybe it was nothing and everything was ok? I was having cramps, but could be nerves, right?
When the nurse called I could hear the sadness in her voice. Shit!!!! It was real. She was very sympathetic and I can remember feeling bad for her as she had to convey such sad news. I kept saying, “How can I tell my husband, he is going to be so devastated”. He wanted to be a dad more than life itself and now I had to tell him THIS..and over the phone, as he was working out of town.
I was able to have a big cry, and talk things through with my friends and family., whereas he had to hear this terrible news and go straight to a meeting with clients. My heart was broken for him. He was all by himself and had to keep on working.
But you see , after all the peaks and valleys , our story turned out happy! You got it right, on our last attempt we were pregnant! Hallelujah, what’s it to ya!
Although those past few years were very trying we were over the moon and so grateful! So many others go through such heartbreak and I felt like I was a very lucky girl.
Let the eating for two commence!!! 😜